


Of grief and comfort

by Kaogasm



Category: Loki - Fandom, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki cares, Loki is a Good Bro (Marvel), Loki provides comfort, Protective Loki (Marvel), Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:02:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27071695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaogasm/pseuds/Kaogasm
Summary: Can I see another's woe,And not be in sorrow too?Can I see another's grief,And not seek for kind relief?-On Another's Sorrow by William Blake
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Original Female Character(s), Loki/OFC
Comments: 8
Kudos: 19





	Of grief and comfort

“We leave in ten. Everyone ready?” Natasha grabbed her bag and checked for the necessities she was taking. Water, protein bars, fruit, tissues. Check.

The Avengers, all clad in black, nodded as they slowly started making way to the cars parking in front of the compound.

Sam and Steve carried the floral wreath and placed it in the trunk of one of the cars before they got in as well.

“Does she have any family?” Bucky asked, pulling the seatbelt over his chest.

“None that we know of.” Sam started the engine.

“Who’s with her then?” 

“Wanda and Pepper.”

-*-*-*-*-*-

She stood at the front, with Pepper and Wanda holding her by the arms to keep her from falling. Everyone’s heads were down, showing respect for what was to come.

The coffin was pulled from the hearse by four of the Avengers and the two Asgardians, all wearing suits. The only sound to be heard were the church bells and her heart wrenching cries. Pepper and Wanda struggled to keep her on her feet, which made Natasha and Valkyrie take over. No one was spared the tears, not even the men.

As the six men brought the coffin into the church, Natasha and Valkyrie followed close behind, with her held tight between them. They were practically carrying her by the arms, since she couldn’t hold her own weight anymore.

They were the only people inside, other than a few of her mom’s friends and neighbours who came to pay their respect. She was sitting at the front line seats, between Valkyrie and Natasha. Her cries were silent now. Her head was resting on Natasha’s shoulder while her eyes were fixed on the dark coloured coffin standing in front of the altar. As the priest performed the ceremony, tears kept flowing down her cheeks and she didn’t bother with wiping them anymore. Both Natasha and Valkyrie had each of her hands in their own the whole time, holding them tight in solidarity.

The sun shone brilliantly and the spring colours of the day were offensively bright and cheerful. As they walked towards the cemetery behind the church, her legs buckled once more as she broke into tears. It was unfair how bright everything around them was. The world should have been dark and grey just like her heart right now. It should be cold and damp and raging with storm. But no, it was bright and colourful, as if telling her that the world goes on without her mother. Her world has been untimely taken from her and she was about to bury it six feet under.

She had cried, she had screamed. She had begged her mother to open her eyes and wake up. She had begged them not to bury her just yet. She called for her mother in hopes that she would listen. She had violently pulled herself off of the women’s grasp and it took the men to keep her from jumping into the grave after the casket had been brought down.

Loki held her tightly between his arms and she tried to break away. She wanted to go to her mother, but they wouldn’t let her! When they started putting soil into the hole, she crumbled and cried against Loki’s chest.

The funeral reception was short. It included her mom’s favorite finger food and drinks. She sat on a couch, void of life in her eyes. She couldn’t acknowledge any of her mom’s neighbours or friends, despite wanting to. They were all nice people. They loved her mom and her mom loved them too. But she didn’t have the will nor energy to be remotely alive at the time.

Once the Avengers were the only people left, they slowly started going towards the cars. She wanted to go to the grave once more. What if her mom was trying to get out and no one could hear her? But no, she was not allowed to go there. Loki took over guiding her towards the car as the women couldn’t hold her back. He wrapped a tight, yet gentle arm around her shoulders and with the other he held her hand. He got into the car after her and took a seat beside her, with Natasha and Valkyrie sitting across from them.

Loki kept holding her hand through the drive back to the compound. At some point, during the silence of the drive, he felt her weight against his shoulder. She had fallen asleep. He absentmindedly ran a thumb over the back of the hand he was holding and kept his gaze towards the window, watching the passing buildings and trees.

Upon arrival, the women took over again and walked her to her room. Helped her out of her black clothes and put her in comfortable ones. She didn’t resist when they took her back out towards the living room, where they decided to have dinner instead of the dining room.

Tony had arranged for the food to be ready upon their arrival. Everyone had grabbed a plate and sat down, either on the couch or the floor. They ate in silence, appetites lost but needing to occupy themselves somehow. She sat in an armchair, her food forgotten on the armrest as she kept her gaze to the side, looking into nothingness.

“Tina, honey, you’ve got to eat something.” Pepper knelt beside her, putting a hand over her friend’s knee. “You haven’t eaten for days.”

She turned her face to look at Pepper and managed the tiniest of smiles. “I will. Just not now.”

“You said that with every meal for the past three days.”

“I have eaten.” It wasn’t a lie if she didn’t specify _when_ she had eaten. The last meal she had was the breakfast on the day she had heard about her mother’s sudden passing.

A heart attack, the doctors had told her. A healthy woman, suddenly dying of a heart attack. Tina refused to believe it. She had just gotten off the phone with her mother after breakfast, and around noon she got the call from the neighbours that her mom was rushed to the hospital. She had already passed by the time the ambulance had arrived.

Her world had shattered three days ago and she would not be able to put it back together. Ever.

“When?” Pepper asked softly. She knew her friend had skipped every meal for the past days and it was showing on her face. Her cheeks were hollow and the dark circles under her eyes could be seen from a distance.

Tina turned her gaze back to the absent spot she was staring at earlier, tears welling in her eyes. “I’ve eaten, Pep.”

Slowly, the Avengers started going to their rooms. Pepper and Natasha remained with Tina, simply watching her as she gazed into nothingness. When it was only the three of them left in the room, Natasha decided to break the silence.

“Is there anything we can do?”

Tina shook her head and closed her eyes.

“Would you like us to take you to your room?” 

“Tina?” Pepper spoke when they didn’t get a reaction. She took Tina’s hand in hers, running her palm over the back of it. “Tina, wake up. Let’s take you to your room.” She spoke softly.

Natasha frowned at the way Tina’s head had dropped to the side. She quickly checked the pulse and her eyes widened. 

“Pep, she’s unconscious. I can barely feel her pulse.”

“FRIDAY, alert med bay.” Pepper said and looked at Natasha. “Can we carry her?”

“I’m sure we can.”

They got up and both placed an arm around Tina’s back from each side, with their other arm going under her knees. They were about to lift her up when Loki walked through with a mug in hand.

He stopped and looked at their ridiculous attempt at lifting their friend from the armchair. “Anything the matter?”

“She’s unconscious.” Natasha said and that was all Loki needed to hear. He set the mug aside and walked over to them, taking Tina into his arms and carrying her.

“Her room.” Pepper instructed and they all headed there.

They waited in the hallway while a nurse worked on setting up an IV drip and turned on the portable vitals monitor.

Pepper was pacing back and forth. The vein on her forehead threatening to burst. “I knew this would happen. She hasn’t eaten for days and kept saying she had. I should have forced her to eat.”

“Pepper, it’s not going to do her any good if you get angry now.” Natasha said, leaning against the wall.

“You cannot convince a grieving person to do anything they do not want.” Loki’s tone was calm as he leaned against the doorframe.

“This isn’t about what she wants. It’s about what she needs.” Pepper huffed, continuing her pacing.

After a while, the doctor came out of the room, followed by the nurse. “I don’t need to do a blood check to see that she’s malnourished and dehydrated.” The doctor addressed Pepper. “We’ve set up an IV and gave her some sedatives. Just to keep her asleep through the night for her body to recover. I’ll come back in the morning to run some tests.”

“Thanks, Doc.” Pepper gave him and the nurse a polite smile before they left.

“I suggest we all go get some rest. It’s been a long day and she won’t wake up through the night.” Natasha pushed herself off the wall. “FRIDAY will let us know if something happens. I’ll see you guys in the morning.”

Pepper gave Natasha a quick wave and resumed pacing. She was worried sick about Tina and there was nothing she could do for her friend.

Loki watched Pepper as she paced back and forth. He shared her concern for their friend and wanted to do something about it.

Sighing he pushed himself off the doorframe and went to stand in front of Pepper, halting her steps. “Pepper, go get some rest. I’ll stay with her.”

“And why would you do that?” She eyed him curiously.

“Because..” For once, Loki didn’t have an answer. He didn’t know why he offered to stay. He had only gotten out of his room to get another cup of tea before he ended up bringing Tina to her own room and laying her in bed. He hadn’t even given it a second thought when Natasha told him Tina was unconscious.

Truth was, he knew exactly how it felt to lose a mother. He had silently mourned the loss of his own mother for a long time. He could sympathise with Tina’s grief. While his own grief had been silent, Tina’s was a vast contrast to it. She cried, she screamed, she let the world know how she felt. He, on the other hand, had kept a tight lid on his emotions while grieving, not letting them see the light of day.

“Because I know how it feels.” He finally said, a soft smile tugging at his lips.

Pepper nodded with a sigh and opened the door to Tina’s room to look inside. “Most of us do. But the way she’s dealing with it is not healthy.”

“Like I said, I know how it feels.” He repeated.

Realization dawned on Pepper, finally understanding what he meant. Those of the Avengers who had known their parents, have more or less dealt with the loss the way most people do. Going through grief, acceptance and moving on. Tina and her mother had a very close relationship. Despite her work as Pepper’s assistant and spending most of her time at the compound, she had never missed a day of calling her mother. She had spent every weekend at home, or had her mother come stay at the compound. In a way, they were their own team.

Pepper had heard how close Loki was with his own mother. How she had been the one to teach him magic. How she had been the only one to stand by his side while everyone else on Asgard accused him of one thing or another.

So maybe he really knew how it felt. Maybe he would be able to help her through it.

Finally nodding, she looked at him. “Let me know if she wakes up. No matter the time.”

“She wouldn’t. But if she does wake up, I think it best to give her some space. How about you simply return in the morning?”

Pepper crossed her arms over her chest and looked into the room once more. “I worry about her.”

“She will be in safe hands. I promise.”

Pepper wasn’t sure where this interest of his had come from. While being reserved and polite most of the time, Loki wasn’t one to show this kind of interest in taking care of anyone. In a way it was refreshing and Pepper decided not to question it. She bid Loki a peaceful night and went to check on Tony before heading to bed.

Once Pepper left, Loki walked into the room and closed the door. He first had a look around, which he didn’t get to do earlier when he brought her in. Clothes were scattered here and there. The single armchair was occupied with books and more clothes. A broken table lamp lay beside the armchair and a remains of what seemed to have been a broken vase were on the floor near the desk. Without a second thought, he started organizing. He first fixed the lamp using magic and set it on the small table near the armchair. Then he cleaned the remains of the broken vase and stacked the books on the mess that was her desk and moved on to organize the surface as well. After he was done, he started collecting her clothes, folding them and stacking them on the desk, since he didn’t know where they went in the closet and did not want to invade her privacy more than necessary.

Once the room looked more like a bedroom than a warzone, he picked up a book from the stack on the desk and went to sit on the armchair to read. Sure, his bedroom was just next door, but he figured it would be better if he just stayed there, in case the sedatives would wear off before the morning. 

-*-*-*-*-*-

Soft whimpers pulled him out of he sleep he had fallen into. It was still dark outside and the only light illuminating the room was that of the lamp he had repaired earlier. He set his book aside and stood up, stepping closer to the bed.

Tina was crying in her sleep. Her hands grasped tightly at the bedsheets as silent sobs escaped her lips. Loki didn’t think much and simply sat down at her side, taking her hand in both of his and started gently stroking it.

“It’s just a dream.” He spoke softly. For some reason he was hoping for her to wake up, despite being sedated. Whether it was a dream or a nightmare, he didn’t know. It was obviously upsetting her and he had the sudden urge to make it stop. “You can open your eyes and it will be over.”

He kept speaking to her in a soft, hushed tones, with all the care in the world. It took her a while to finally stop crying and she opened her eyes. She stared at the ceiling for a long moment, then turned her attention to the person sitting next to her.

“Where am I?”

“Your bedroom.”

She noticed the monitor standing near her bed and the IV line attached to her arm. “Why?”

“Apparently you haven’t eaten.”

She stared at him for a while, then turned her gaze back to the ceiling above her. Tears welled up once more in her eyes and her lips trembled. “Please tell me it was just a nightmare.” She whispered.

Loki didn’t say anything and continued holding her hand, which she didn’t seem to mind. Nothing that he could say or do right now would have any impact. The wound was fresh and it needed time to heal. All he could do is silently offer his support. Something he wished he had when he was mourning Frigga.

When no reply came from him, she tightly shut her eyes and covered her mouth with her free hand and started crying. She desperately tried to muffle her sobs, but was failing.

It simply tore at Loki’s heart seeing her like that. The once bubbly, happy-go-lucky Tina wasn’t there anymore. All was left was this broken soul crying her heart out in his presence.

He leaned in closer and placed a gentle hand over the one that was covering her mouth. “Let it out.” He told her, his own eyes stinging as tears started welling up, blurring his view.

Tina curled up to a side, turning her back to him she buried her face into both her hands and just let go. Her sobs were only muffled by the blanket that was around her. Her shoulders shook with every sob, shaking the mattress as she mourned the loss of the most important person in her life.

Loki kicked his shoes off and climbed into the bed, sitting at her back and running a soothing hand over her shoulders. He knew exactly how she felt and he didn’t bother to hide his own tears as they rolled down his cheeks. He sniffed and wiped his nose with the sleeve of his shirt, but did not move otherwise.

After what seemed to be a long time, Tina’s shoulders finally stopped shaking. Her sobs had calmed to little gasps of breath and her tears had dried. Loki gently stroked her hair, removing it from her face. Her eyes were closed, but he knew she was awake. He could see it from the flickering of her eyelashes.

“Better?” He finally asked, his voice almost a whisper.

“No.” She took in a shuddering breath. “A little.”

He didn’t reply and simply made a sound of acknowledgment. He continued stroking her hair, not knowing why he was doing it, but it seemed to calm her and that was good enough.

She slowly opened her eyes and turned to lay on her back. Loki’s hand went to rest over his lap, while she simply stared at the ceiling. She couldn’t stop the soft gasps escaping her lips, nor did she bother to. Loki watched her in silence. There was no need for words at that moment. He knew that better than anyone else. The simple presence of someone, be it friend or family, was helpful enough. At least, that’s what he had needed at the time Frigga had died. But he was left alone in the dungeon, void of comfort or support.

He figured it would be the same for Tina. She wouldn’t want to be left alone right now and she definitely shouldn’t be left alone. He had decided that he would be the one to be there for her, to lend her his support, even if it was to just sit there and not say or do anything.

Tina seemed to be sharing his thoughts as she turned her eyes to meet his, though her face only conveyed sorrow.

“Thank you.” She whispered.

His lips curled upwards in a gentle smile as he gazed into her red, puffed up eyes. The same eyes that usually shone bright with positive energy, but now they were void of anything but pain and suffering.

“You should get some sleep.” He finally said, standing up. “I’ll be here, though, if you need me.” He waved a hand towards the armchair he was occupying earlier.

“I don’t think I can sleep.” She replied, her eyes following him.

“You should try. Your body needs the rest.” He sat down on the armchair and picked up the book he had been reading before he had gone to comfort her moments ago.

She nodded and turned to the side, keeping her gaze to the wall before her. She didn’t want to close her eyes. If she did, she would be reliving the funeral. Her mind would take her to places she didn’t want to be. She felt alone and scared.

She was lost in time, seeking the light. She was blinded by the tears in her eyes. Relief, comfort and peace refused her, or rather she refused them. The pain was so deep that she allowed it to abuse her. She couldn’t breathe, feeling all choked up as she let the tears flow freely once more. Her shoulders shook as she wept in silence, the only sound to be heard where that of her gasps and sniffs.

Loki raised his eyes from the book and looked at her shaking form. Her grief gave him this heavy feeling like the weight of the world was resting on his shoulders and there was nothing he could do about it. He looked at the window and saw the sky becoming lighter. It was dawn, the start of a new day. Setting the book aside, he rose from his seat and walked over to her. He used his magic to transform his clothes to a comfortable pair of sweatpants and a sweater before he climbed onto the bed.

She didn’t turn when the spot behind her dipped and she felt some movement. She couldn’t stop crying now even if she wanted to. The blanket she was wrapped in was raised for a moment before coming back down and there was suddenly warmth at her back, an arm sliding around her waist and pulling her towards a firm yet gentle body. Warm breath tickled the back of her neck, which made her let out a soft, yet shuddered gasp.

She brought her hand over his that was resting against her stomach and held on tight. The silent comfort he provided her made her tense muscles relax and he strengthened his hold around her, sliding his other arm under her neck and wrapping her within his embrace. She held on to him as tightly as she could. Her sobs turned into soft gasps as she finally managed to close her eyes, his scent and his warmth soothing her aching mind and helping her drift into a dreamless sleep.


End file.
